Losing a loved one is bad… it is a truly trying time for one. Then when the manner in which they exit this side of heaven is suicide, the pain is immensely deeper…

So many questions, questions which would probably never get answered…thoughts that are best unknown begin to creep up from the dark alleys… did I truly love enough and truly when I had the opportunity? Did I miss something that could have been adverted? What could I have done to prevent this that I missed?

For about a month now, I have questioned if suicide is truly the end of a Christian… is there any sort of hope I could dare to hold unto? I mean is that it for them…. After all, I do not have anything scriptural for now to encourage this line of reasoning…. It is one thing to say goodnight and another to say goodbye.

It is soo possible to be with someone hurting and yet not know it… and that is one scary reality I so do not appreciate! I wish, oh how I wish…but I am not God, so I am learning to live with that knowledge that God is God. And I Itse am not Him, as much as I want to be so often. Hmmm, hard as it may be in my thinking… it is not a place I would like anyone to find themselves… it is certainly the worst way to say goodbye.

Dear God, *sigh* so at a loss for words.

© 1st May, 2013

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